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Journal Entry: Sun Sep 30, 2012, 7:23 PM

What does one say?

What does one do?

A few days ago we lost a friend. A good friend to some, a best friend to others. His name wasJoseph. His name was it was Joseph, it was Joe, it was Josey, it was kitten, it was irrelevant. For the names never did really matter, as much as the wonderful person who used them.

Josey was a sweet, kind person. He was talented, friendly, and smart. He was warm and he was brave. He was a gamer, a car enthusiast, someone who each day learned a little bit more about himself, and was more than happy to share it with the world. He was there to help. To be a shoulder, to rally support, or to share his knowledge to help others.

He loved and was loved.

A few days ago we lost a friend. His life was taken. He was robbed of it, unfairly. Fate is cruel, make no mistake. For the lives it consumes. He had everything ahead of him. EVERYTHING. EVERY GOD DAMN FUCKING THING.

And some monster in a car cut that life short.

My sadness knows no bound, and my sadness is my rage. My rage is my sadness…

I received a note from Josey not 2 days before he left us. He told me of dream he had.

A dream of living with myself and Kianna (my fiancé), of snuggling together on the couch, watching tv on a Friday night. Just friends, simply spending time together.

I've never met Josey in real life. That was not my privilege. But despite the distance, we spent so many nights chatting away. Talking about one day visiting one another. Of putting our arms around one another.

I've spent so many hours wondering, dreaming, of how I would greet someone who I've gotten to know so well, but have never met. How that moment would go, how it would play out. I've dreamed of him being at my wedding, as one of my best men. I've dreamed of walking with him through my city on a warm fall afternoon, smiling and laughing.

In the end, it didn't matter what the dream was, whether it was a possible future or not. The truth is it was something that could happen in the future. I didn't have to worry about how or when, just that it could happen.

Now here I sit, with shaking hand, and tearful eyes. Knowing there is no more dreaming, no more tomorrow, no future. Only past.

We talked all the time. Sometimes through DA, sometimes through e-mail, or even sometimes in the midst of battle in Diablo 3. We talk and talked. About stories, about drawings, games, life, happiness, sorrow, today, yesterday and tomorrow. So many things we shared. Two people sharing something.

He never got to see my face. To see my smile.

Now 4,200 km away I weep for my friend. My beloved friend.  

And now after all this time, after all my talks, planning for the perfect moment, he finally appeared in my story. Finally I introduced the friend I had shared so much with. He got to see 3 pages…

He got to see Josey dance. But now he will never see how it ends. How that dance ends. Perhaps it never will.

There was so much more planned. So many more stories. So many more places for him in my world…

I lost a best friend. One who never knew my name. He was a good person. He was someone this world needed. Someone this world couldn't afford to lose. He was FANTASTIC. He was so much.

I had a dream Josey…

A dream that you were taken from me, taken from this world.

But that is my waking nightmare now.

I love you, I will always love you.

And each day I will live for you, and always keep you in my head and in my heart.

I know you will never respond to this... but I know you can read it…

We will meet again.

I promise.


Love Lord Dragon Master

  • Listening to: The worm and the bird
  • Playing: Starcraft 2
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Rawdawg-132 Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
There are no words that I can say that can possibly mend your pain for I am a meer stranger. All I can say is that this world has trully lost a great person. I have not met Josey, I didn't speak with him, or so much as known of his existance until this journal entry. However I can tell that through the pure emotion that spilled out of those words have told me what a great person Josey really was. This should not have happened. Its not right.

You have lost a great friend and I grieve to know that such man has left us. I know that my grief may not be enough, and I know that saying "Im sorry for your loss" will do trully nothing to ease that rage and sorrow. However I am trully sorry for your loss. I sometimes wonder how sadistic the creator is.
Shadowdragon1997 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
I am so sorry for your loss I know how much it hurts to lose someone you care about someone one you love and thought the pain never does fully go away at least every day you wake you know that he's in a better place and no it's not the end because one day you will see him again in your heart you know it you will see him again wether in your dreams or when it is finally your time your will always see your loved ones again good luck and peace be with you LDM
deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
apollophoenix Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
Just reading this made me cry. So very sorry for your loss LDM, he sounded like a lovely fella :( x
Pvt-Hudson Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
In the last comic i can see how much he really meant to you :(
jfawks Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012
I'm sorry for your loss. You have my condolences and my thoughts are with you. I'm also sorry that almost anonymous thoughts and words are all I have to offer but that is all I have to give.
naviman Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'am very sorry for your loss... maybe I should say our loss, because Josey wasn't only a friend for the ones who knew and talked with, but he was a great part of this comunity, not only with his art but with his comments and even his presence in da.
maybe I'm just another bystander of his actions in da, but what I saw was a happy person and great friend, someone this world needs.
I have lost many friends and family in the past so I know the sadness your going through, but remember that he won't leave us as long as we keep him in our memories and hearts.

Rest in peace dear friend, we will not let your ripples fade away.
RVB476 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My [late] condolences for your loss. I wish I could say more, but I have nothing more to say.
darkar117 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
I know that is late to say this but im sorry for you i know how it feels to loose someone special so i will be here if you need someone to hear you all of us are with you
Eragonithor Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
I have a similar friend named Tyler, we talk alot, and play together often. I can't even begin to imagine not being able to meet the guy who's one of your best friends. I hope you at least got to voice chat or something. I think it'll help give a voice to what otherwise would be plain text in a chat box. My friend is Russian but sounds Indian, but a voice is a good way to judge a person. Anyway, I'll be praying for you, and Joseph.
sorrowsdream Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh gods....I did not know Josey, except thru art that I loved quite a bit and a few messages back and fourth. My heart goes out to you for your loss, and all those who were close. Blessings. I know it is never enough but it is what I can offer. I am so sorry.
Baneff18 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I have to say I am very sad that I just found out about this today. I wish I had gotten a chance to talk with him. Maybe if I knew him better I could think of something more progound to say, but all I can do is say that I hope he's somewhere better, and the world is indeed a darker place
Silver-Eevee Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012
Oh my God, I am so sorry. What happened to Josey was a terrible thing, but who knows? Maybe he's watching over you as your guardian angel. At any rate, if you believe hard enough, I'm sure you will meet again.
yugi83 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012
I'm sorry to hear of what happened LDM. The words and thoughts are lovely and the feeling in them are resonant to how I would feel. Sometimes this world does not seem far, but I firmly believe that those whom we've lost and loved will be waiting for us on the other side. My prayers and thoughts are with you LDM.
NeroRosaImmortale Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My dear Lord Dragon, you have my deepest condolences. I know all too well how painful it is to lose someone.. and if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to contact me.
leo-darkheart Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Student General Artist
I'm so sorry for your loss dude D:
Allison473 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012
I cried just reading this, your love for your friend is amazing. The world can be so incredibly unfair, all I can do is say how sorry I am for this tragic loss. I hope you can find some closure somehow, but these kinds of things are just so overwhelming. You, Joe, and everyone he knew have my best wishes.
Nagi21 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012
We must now create an extravagant and epic tribute to him...

Ishy-222 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012
I wish I had seen this post before. I was traveling that day, and now before I head back home it saddens me. I wanted to do a coloration of Josey and Joani dancing together. Joe was good and through Deviant pages got to know him. Art is a wonderful means to meet folks, and even while talking, and the storie I wrote with his character.

Least he can still watch us all do what we like to do, draw, colour, write, enjoy life and be with us all, in a little place he created in many of us.
richort12 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i'm sorry, this is real hard stuff, i wish i could do something for you. sorry for your loss
KingKabuki Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012
Sorry for your loss man. I really loved his art and admire his skills with a brush and a computer. I hope your heart heals over time man and I cried when I read what you wrote about him. All I could say, is i wish I could have been his friend. So R.I.P Josey.
CrazyAsuka Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student General Artist
I'm speechless. I know you don't know me LDM and neither did Josey but I admired you both, I followed you both. I was so excited about the current storyline because I had wondered for a long time if he'd get a special place in Demon Candy. I too have a best friend who I've known for years that I've never met in person. She's a crucial part of my life and I don't know what I'd do if the possibility, the dreams that I'll meet her some day were cut this suddenly. Like you said... what can one say? What can one do? There's no right answer to this. You're in my thougths LDM. Please take care of yourself. As for the ones giving advice about the story, that doesn't matter right now. It's too soon to deal with it. Just be with your loved ones and take care.
Sketch19 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I hardly ever comment on anything, but... This hit hard. I can understand what you're going through, I lost four close relatives in less than six months. That aside though, I'm not going to sit here and pretend I feel the pain that must be lingering from your friend's death. Yes, I've lost pets, and uncles, and aunts, heck, my grandparents. The bond isn't the same though.

It's rare to find a friend that you feel you can really trust and open up to. It's even more rare to find that friend taken from you before it was their time to go. Personally, I believe in balance. This is a tragedy, yes, but I believe whole-heartedly that something good will come of it.

As a loyal readerm and fan, my thoughts are with you, LDM.
taiyou-tsuki-hoshi Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Death is...hard, but believe me when I say that the timing of his death could be a mercy in that something worse was yet to come in his life and the death saved him from facing it.

I don't know what your religious views are, or what your friend's views were, but regardless, death is really not the thing to be feared. As a Christian and as a person who has felt death's gripe myself, I've learned that there are far worse things on this earth than death. Death is a gift, in a sense. One should not yearn for it, for it is a force that we should respect, but it's not something that should be shunned when our time comes. The only thing we can hope for is that the death we experience is quick and painless as possible.

For me, it would have been. Instead, I sit here typing this out while dwelling on the fact that 6,000 other people died from the same thing I had.

In the end, your fears disappear, your pain fades away, and you feel weightless...and warm...and happy. I can't say I would ever WISH death on someone, but there are far worse things in this world to fear than death.

But, if a loved one dies before you, it will always be before you are ready for them to go, and in every death we encounter, there is a lesson to be learned.

Grief comes much easier and will dull away much faster when you find that lesson.

Remember and cherish the life you shared with your friend; don't dwell on the life you'll never have, for we all will leave this earth someday and the only thing most of us will ever leave behind is memories. So honor your friend by remembering who they were and know that one day, you will get to see them. And the happiness you will feel in that moment will wash away all the grief you ever experienced about losing them.

Hang in there and know it's not the end. It's never the end.
NeyoTiger Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
I don't post much on peoples journals, much less on things when it involves the loss of a loved one.

But I spent a lot of time on steam and on second life with Josey. I can't begin to express how much it hurts with them gone. I wish I could offer more than a simple "I know your pain" when, its clearly more complicated than that for each individual. But, It also makes me appreciate how wonderful a person they where. That so many people felt the same way about them.

I'd like to think that I am a better person for having known Josey though. I hope you feel better soon LDM.
Meleshira Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
I am saddened by the tragic loss, & feel sympathy for you.
I really don't mean to sound like a cold-hearted bitch, so please don't take it that way, but everything really does happen for a reason. Perhaps if not for the sudden loss in the car wreck, he may have lived until almost 100 years, but been in terrible pain the whole time. Who knows?
Yes, it is saddening when someone is taken 'prematurely' from us in this realm, but that doesn't mean they are gone completely. Josey is still here with us: in your heart & mind, & that of your fiancee, & with all of us who are addicted to your Demon Candy: Parallel comics. Not to mention all of his real life friends/associates. I believe that Josey will be able to have what he desired from his dream much easier now. So if you ever feel... not alone some Friday night on the couch, know that it's him just spending time with you. As fond of you as he seems to have been, I believe he'll still be close to you, & watch & guide your hand when he wants to give you inspiration.
May your fond memories of him assist in your healing processes. *gentle hugs & pets*
kittyboy2222 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012

I was once told that all we really leave behind is memories. In some small part I can agree, but I've always thought more was needed to that saying, I believe if the memories we leave behind are happy ones we can tell what type of life we've lead, from the way you speak of him I can imagine that Josey must have been an amazing person.

I too understand what it's like to have friends that are so close in your life, yet live so far away. Most of my late teens were spent online and those on yahoo messenger became my closest friends, Baby Jane, Bathgate, Sindy_Love, to others they're just names on a screen, but to me their my friends, and most I know I'll probably never met in my real life. I can feel your loss echoed in the fears I have of one day finding my friends simply gone, when weeks start to go by and they fail to appear online it's only then I begin to understand how fragile my link to them really is..

I wish you the best in recovering from your loss, And hope that this caption I made years ago might help you feel somewhat happier to where your friend might be..

[link] Please forgive the spelling and such, it was made years ago, Here is a link to follow, I uploaded it to this site just so you could see it.
Caraig Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
You have my sincerest, deepest condolences. :( That sort of loss, it's tragic and horrible.

You do him honor, however, in your oath to remember him. That counts for *a lot*. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.

PurpleChaos Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
Absolutely. And he'll always be part of you.
jugan54 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
sorry to hear that
LuciHadesManor Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened. Hope you'll be feeling better soon Hun <3
CrymsonSymonRouge Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I lost a close love.....about a month ago....
Message me if you want to talk.
designadrug Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
I don't know you. I didn't know Josey.
Just the briefest of looks into his work and yours shows such a deep love between you.
That it could shine so brilliantly is amazing.
That it could be torn so horribly is abhorrent.
Unfair. Unjust. Ungodly.
Grieve the loss but cherish the memories.
I know it is just words on a screen but I hope you might find comfort,
knowing that the power of your love, the depth of your loss,
brought a stranger on the other side of the world,
to tears.
hacker90 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
A very touching journal post of Joe there LDM. Joe will certainly be missed for a long time for many. Conversations, streams, art and all around presence missed. My late night walks since Saturday have felt lonely knowing he is gone and never being able to meet as planned. I'll miss you Joe....
DDlurker Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
Okneer Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
All I can say is deepest condolences to his friends and family, whenever a person dies, a whole world of possibilities is lost. As a small consolation, if such thing is possible so early after news like that, I'd just like to point out that people around us give us shape that continues even after they're gone. The poem I think will explain it better than I could every try:

Those who sailed at dawn
but will never return
left their trace on a wave--

a shell fell to the bottom of the sea
beautiful as lips turned to stone

those who walked on a sandy road
but could not reach the shuttered windows
though they already saw the roofs--

they have found shelter in a bell of air

but those who leave behind only
a room grown cold a few books
an empty inkwell white paper--

in truth they have not completely died
their whisper travels through thickets of wallpaper
their level head still lives in the ceiling

their paradise was made of air
of water lime and earth an angel of wind
will pulverize the body in its hand
they will be
carried over the meadows of this world.
PurpleChaos Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
If that poem's yours please post it to your account, Okneer. And yes, we'll feel the emptiness when they're gone but they'll have touched up and in that way remain living forever in our hearts.. I lost my grandfather about a month ago .
Okneer Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
Ah, alas no. I should've remembered to post the source, it's one of my favourite poets, Zbigniew Herbert, and the poem's "A ballad that we do not perish".
Taigan Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
I hadn't followed much of Joe's stuff. So I went over to his page to see. What do I see as the title of his last journal entry?
Out of Commission for a bit
I read through your very moving memorial to him here with dry eyes but the terribly wonderful coincidence of that got me weeping.
My thoughts are with you and all who loved him.
Orannis4 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
after the message last night i shut down the computer. then i logged on today and i read this and read the starter messages about his death, I stayed strong. Then i read this and i cried. Some one great just passed and he will be missed just as much if not more so. I am not that great with words so i will stop here.
LucyStoryTime Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
Well fuck. I've always been a lurker at the edge of the DA TG/CD Community but even I knew how close you two were. Losing a friend is like losing a limb. You try to flex it, to use it in some way and nothing ever happens. I'm sorry for your loss but remember: All things must end. Even the pain you feel now, it too shall end. The separation between you and Josey? Some day, that too may end.
thalon-mercrow Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
there's not much i can really say, i saw your post early this morning and knew i just had to comment on it, so i went through my day, through my classes,through my yard work, through my games all the while trying to think of something comforting to say but sadly nothing came to mind, until now. its not much but you have my sympathies for what there worth,but you also have something much more valuable, love and memories.

Aristotle once said that "Whatsoever that be within us that feels, thinks, desires, and animates, is something celestial, divine, and, consequently, imperishable" take this to heart and live in his sted and finish the dance so that he may see your love wherever he is.
Aiden-Ai Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I recently learned that my mother's wedding date is the anniversary of my Pepaw's (grandfather's) death. Mom doesn't realize the date and I won't tell her because I believe sad things need to be scribbled over with something good so that you can move on. I hope some day you get the chance to scribble over this and that it is soon. Guess that's just my crazy way of saying feel better soon.
Meleshira Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
Off the sorrowful topic a bit, but my Kitty & I set our wedding date for this coming March 17, 2013, & my mom told me that my dad's parents had the same date! They were only ever married to each other, & have both passed away within the last 10 years. So we'll be placing another happy date on that spot on the calendar once more! Maybe they'll even give us their blessings? Who knows?
Aiden-Ai Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Oh that's so sweet! I hope you have a great wedding, don't let the preparations drive you too crazy! :D
RoninMercenary Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012


I have followed LDM and Joe since the days back when he was Porcelain Joe and DCP was still the doing puppy play chapter. I log on and BLAM this.....fucking.......bombshell. WHAT THE FUCK!

I am full of rage, and anger and sadness and FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK!.

So pissed right now have to go calm down.
LuniqueKero Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Student Filmographer
I never talked to Josey but from the comment I've read from him and the art he posted both on DA and FA and of course, your comic, he seemed like a really nice guy. Its strange how the death of someone you simply had the knowledge he existed, can be a shock, RIP, may you be immortalized by this comic.
KaitenKenbuu Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
Whatever the friends closest to josey do they cant stop having fun. they cant stop doing what they like to do. I didnt know josey though i would have liked to, but i can say he was a real friend to you and i know there is no way in hell he would want you all to just stop everything for him. I know it sounds crazy but it is the truth. You have to go on. You have to live to the fullest. you have to live for yourself and him now too. i wish i could offer more god do i. I wish i could say it gets easier...

Easier? no. Less painful... abit. Just try to remember every good moment you had. I cant say that enough. And dont drink alone... Its the worst thing you can do to yourself. im truely from the bottom of my soul sorry for your loss.
Fiend30 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
What a terrible loss, such a good person. :(
defilerzero Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
We're all gonna miss him and ashamed that he went so soon. My only wish was that I could have know him better, but now I know that'll never happen.
Guest-1001 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
I wish there was more I could say about this. My deepest sympathies to everyone who knew Porcelain-Joe. I had one of his pictures in my favourites but I'd never left comments or written notes. Never knew what made him tick. I missed out. I failed to take advantage of the opportunity to meet this wonderful human being, who clearly meant so much, to so many. However, there were more than enough people in his life to make his final days happy, like yourself LDM. Yes, it's frustrating. Even as someone who didn't know Josey, I hate the feeling of helplessness, so I can't imagine how those closest to him must be feeling. But you were all there for him when it mattered. And you have my thanks for that.
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Journal by makoshark04


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September 30, 2012
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